oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize