Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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