Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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