I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize