Pants 0. Shit 1.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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