I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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