im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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