i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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