i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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