My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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