god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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