So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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