nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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