I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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