How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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