I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize