Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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