Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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