In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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