life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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