You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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