I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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