Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize