You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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