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it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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