Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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