I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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