do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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