Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize