Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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