Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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