and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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