not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize