I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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