Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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