can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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