I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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