Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We smell like vodka and hangover
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