Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
organizing the empties. That sober.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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