Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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