and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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