Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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