Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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