Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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