Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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