I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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