You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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