my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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