I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I am morally bankrupt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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