found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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